Safe Is Boring (dot)

It has to be happening once, but I just felt it doesn't suit me best for the time being. I think I should just missed the SAFE actually. The SAFE that I used to begging for. The SAFE that I'm looking for all these years. The SAFE that I aimed for 7 years back, I would say.

Have to lose all that so called SAFE. Instead, I'll try to look up for SAFE in that way. Yes, looking for SAFE in order to rid off of SAFE in my mind's map. Inappropriate, eh?
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(There's nothing wrong with it.)





































"SAFE IS BORING" is boring. mcm bangang.

Dear Diary no. 1

Sometimes, I do look like someone who don't know how to talk properly. es-eych-ahy-tee!
: (

Wait And See

Maybe there's just something wrong with my imagination but it seemed like all the thing I'm working on was not very satisfying. boooooooooooo!

Colder

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You got right time and right tools. You've planned your goal. You planned everything that you listed down. But it does not work like it should be. Or somehow there are barriers came in the way you can't afford to tell. mmmmm~

--- (It has always happened to me, yes brother)

There are some people that can't stand with their failed plan. It's normal people do. Some people think they don't deserve that. Nothing wrong with it. But most of them didn't realize that will make them feel weaker. I've seen a lot in both my shoes; as a teacher and a normal people. They cried, shouting, saying bad words plus plus. It is such a wasting time. it is way too dumb. Sorry!

Yes, I've been through it and I felt the way it should feel. But somehow I got something that make me re-think again why should I be stronger. To tell the truth, I'm one of the losers indeed. Failed millions planning and failed again. Here, I think "HOPE" plays a main reason why it hurts much. Felt and woke up with a lot of wound and cuts. But still, I will take anything that I have to face just for my very own life's sake. It is not others life, bonehead!

I usually analyzed every mistake I've made. And it is felt like listen to the music that you don't like when you find out the best solution is BEING SELFISH. Yes, in other sweet word it has been called leadership. Not that leadership that you learned in Business Management in your college, baby. It is kind of running something out without listen to others. But I did it with a great taste and studies (not a proper/official one of course). And another thing is; please don't assume it would happen like in the "happily ever after" kind of movie. It'll not. Better put a low expectation on its succeed. It will help you. Trust me.

mmm I don't like this entry.

I had better shut up now (or stop writing). I usually talk / writing craps cynically when pissed off. And it is really rings a bell...

R A Y A 08

Greetings,

Raya has came again with it's Berkah for all the musimin and muslimat.

Not as few years back, this year's Raya is different. ehe. Syawal 2008 had marked a sign in my own life; for the first time in my whole life celebrating it with my special one; Nona of course : )

And this is like "ooohhh i'm getting married!" haha.


Plus got some clip on 3rd Raya 2008.







Happy Eid ul Fitr everyone!

Delirium

Just went back from KL for picking up Chorie's floor tom and cybal 14'' crash. Bought Nona a Poptone Casio watch (i bet she really like that much...make your girlfriend happy-lah! what else? presents always made them all excited and happy all the time he he), a pair of Crocs shoes for Ayah and yellow-colored Bermuda top for myself (RM29.90 after 70% less, in fact; my tees/shirt/top would never be more than rm40 you know? ).

I just can't believe I missed the RM59 xylaphone at Cash and Converter Shop (worth for RM600++ if you find it in 2nd hand shop around else dude!) shizz : ( . Farhan just get nervous when he found that xylaphone was no longer there. He rang me up with his upset voice tone while I'm at OU; told me that I will never get the cheapest xylaphone like that for my entire life. shizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! oh, nevermind...in another 10 days I'll get my Memory Man With Hazarai directly from The States, Guided By Voices and Superchunks CD from Ipoh. haha. Currently I really into Ebay. Never did that before, I tell you. Hope that will be enough for forgetting the xylaphone. (errr, can ah? it is so cheap maaa! tak dapat cari mana kedai lagi dalam dunia!!!)

Since it is school break, so i think i can get much time for randomize-internet-surfing with no guilty feeling haha. And throw a new entry here of course!

Here I am, doing the random-internet-surfing thingy. Searching pictures in pc for updating my GENI profile that Abang Joy asked for a while back through sms. mmm ...

I can't help myself from being upset and sad all at once when I see this --->



from left Anas of Laila's Lounge, Hayyan, Daus (my lil bro), Abong, Fatin, Miji (me and Daus lil bro). Ok, this is not a full line up of Rhaman, just a capture of true and honest friendshipness

It reminds me a lot of having fun with true friends in every trip we went. Yes, this is when we are doing some show at JB. It's been 3 or 4 months since I left The Rhaman. Frankly, it's quite hard for me to did that. But for God's sake, I did for their own good. Last week they performing for Mocca's Malaysia Tour. One of the best Indo band around in my opinion. I felt happy on that for sure : ) maju terus wei!

Birthday@Anjung Bonda

Within forthnight, I've been through new experiences, I would say. I think I shoulda name them as 'Minggu Yang Menjana Pengalaman-Pengalaman Pertama' (A Collective of my-very-first-time-Week) haha. First one is celebrating my birthday at an orchad / garden and the second one is; ACTING! Yup, I, myself don't believe it - I can do that all the 'berlakon' thingy muhahaha.

Me as Sri Amerta in realism drama entitled "Menyerahnya Seorang Perempuan". Quite embarassing when i lost everywords that i've planned to talk. shit!

Perspectives

Somewhere inside my brain is leaking. It's bursting with a lot of colors. I can see all the colors now clearly. They mix up and blended together to a new form of I-dont-know- what-it-is thing. Now just listen the sound of brain's leaking. Shhhhhh...!

GROAHHHH!

How can i tell? Now I'm in a mouth of a very enormous creature. I'm not frightened, weird. Smells good in here. Fresh!!! I would say. Smells like woods. Ah, I captured one for you here. Try look at this:



ahhh, look now the monster opened his mouth widely. Can you see the monster's lower teeth?

Let's Ride The Humdrum!

This is awkward feeling. I felt I've done something unforgivable thing this time. But what else can you do when you don't feel comfortable in your own house? move out! haha.

Rewarded myself with RM4-candy red-spectacle, random-second handed-CDs that bought from Pasar Karat, KL and fisheye # 2 from Folio. Nice!


some photos that have been fisheyed:

90s revisit

found these clip from youtube. reminded me to those pre-adultry days. missed 90s : )

Rasa Apa

Kadang kala kita menganggap semua benda remeh. Tak payah pening-pening kepala. Tak usah risau. Takpa.


itu kata mereka. mereka, mereka lah! kita, kita lah!

Ninda

Al-Fatihah untuk ninda saya; Hajah Saadiah yang ke rahmatullah pada 10:45PM. Sempat melafazkan syahadah di sisinya tadi. Moga roh ninda yang disayangi di ampuni dan dicucuri rahmatNya. Amin.

Cloverfield

IT AWESOME, PEOPLE!

Biar Betik

Kena tekad untuk buat keputusan. Tak selesa yang amat!

Rasa nak makan telur bungkus tanpa sayur di Bemban. emmm : )

Pergi Terapi Jiwa la wei!

Pedulikan kata orang. Pedulikan selagi
Kadangkala apa yang kita hajati mungkin tak tercapai. Hendakkan sesuatu yang lain, tetapi dapat 'seakan-akan' sahaja. Tak apalah...

Bila Sudah Besar

"Kenalkan ini tunang gua, saja hantar ke bus stand ni ha"

"oh! gila la lu dah bertunang!...wei Mat Tar apa cerit ha? tak tau apa jadi kat dia..."

"Ntah la wei. gua pun memang nak cari dia balik beb."

"Perggghh...lama gila tak dengar khabar mamat tu. Entah hidup entahkan mati huhu"

"Jom lepak sembang sembang...lama tak jumpa lu sial! aku belanja minum! hahaha"

"Alamak Nobe, tak boleh beb. wa dah janji nak pergi Tangkak ambil barang ah...lain kali la beb. gua call."

"Ye la, ye la...sibuk macam perdana mentari pulak lu..aduh mak!"

"Hahahaha. ok beb. chow!...kahwin jangan lupa ajak tau muahahaha..."

Dialog di atas adalah diantara saya dengan kawan lama. Kawan baik yang paling awal pernah saya pernah ada; Nizam. Kami begitu akrab sewaktu di sekolah rendah dulu. Selalunya kami bertiga. Seorang lagi ialah Tarmizi. Masing-masing nama panggilannya ialah Nobe dan Mat Tar. Ke mana saja mesti bertiga. Waktu persekolahan atau luar waktu persekolahan, kami sering dilihat bersama. Sempat jugalah berkoloborasi membuat komik. Kartun dilukis mengikut jalan cerita kami bertiga. Difotostat dan di edarkan kepada rakan kelas lain. Ala ala zine.

Mat Tar dan Nobe jugalah sebenarnya penyebab utama saya terikat dengan dunia rock & roll. Bermula dengan siulan mesra The Man Who Sold The World (oleh David Bowie dan dipopularkan oleh Nirvana di awal 90an) sewaktu di dalam kelas, Mat Tar sering menunjukkan skecth book nya yang berisi gambar-gambar Kurt Cobain. Mulanya tidak begitu menarik bagi saya kerana pada waktu itu, saya sering disuapkan dengan The Beatles, The Who, The Door, Bad Company, Uriah Heep, Deep Purple dan lain-lain lagi koleksi ayah saya. Tetapi apabila Nobe mempengaruhi saya untuk melihat semula iklan minuman ringan pada masa itu, di mana seorang anak gadis sedang melihat ke rooftop mencari-cari arah datangnya bunyi gitar elektrik. Kemudian, lelaki berambut paras bahu, berpakaian kemeja kotak-kotak dan berseluar lusuh serta berkasut snickers Converse hitam high cut dipaparkan sedang terlompat-lompat 'melayan' alunan strumming nya. Imej grafik yang diperlihatkan selama lebih kurang 1 minit lebih itu cukup membuatkan saya terpinga-pinga. Sama ada faham dengan tak faham. Yang penting ianya cool!. Ya, cool. Dan ketika itu jugalah saya rasa buat pertama kalinya memahami erti kata 'COOL'.

Tamat darjah 6, kami terpisah kerana bersekolah ditempat yang berasingan. Pada awalnya masih ada hubung-menghubungi. Kemudian keadaan berubah. Mungkin kerana pembudayaan di sekolah baru membuatkan kami terlupa akan keakraban persahabatan kami. Sedar-sedar, Mat Tar sudah hilang entah ke mana, Si Nobe kemudiannya berpindah ke Johor Bharu.

Kami tak mungkin dapat seperti dulu lagi.

K Untuk Kawan

"Mentari sentiasa bersinar walaupun si buta tidak dapat melihat", kata si kecil Ah Chai dgn nada defensif. Cuba untuk menyampaikan sesuatu lagaknya. Ada sesuatu yang bermain dikepalanya sejak akhir-akhir ini. Benda yang semakin sulit untuk diterangkan. "Minat, hobi,....aaah..entahlah", Bentak hati kecil Ah Chai.

"Ya", keluh Ah Nuan bersahaja. Persis acuh tak acuh. Sengaja mengganggu lamunan Ah Chai yang sejak dari tadi begitu asyik bermain asap yang keluar bersama kata-kata defensif dari mulutnya.

Ah Nuan cuba untuk menenangkan Ah Chai tetapi dia mahu cara lebih 'bersahaja' dan tidak menekan. Yakin tindakan mengubah topik perbualannya itu bakal membuatkan Ah Chai lupa sebentar dengan masalahnya, dia bingkas bangun sambil berkata, "borang Muzium kau dah ambil kan?". "Aku mahu cuba".

Mereka berdua saling berbalas pandangan. Kerut di dahi Ah Chai ditelan Ah Nuan dengan penuh tanda tanya. Perlahan Ah Chai meraba-raba sesuatu di dalam beg hijau kepunyaannya. " Nah", kata Ah Chai dengan senyuman. "Mmmm", tersekat nafas Si Ah Nuan menyambut borang yang dia sendiri tak tahu apa tujuan. Yang dia tahu sekarang ialah; cari kerja sementara. Duit simpanan baki pinjaman PTPTN nya semakin susut, jadi dia mesti berbuat sesuatu sementara menunggu panggilan dari Kementerian Pendidikan yang sering menjanjikan kata-kata yang setakat ini dilihat sekadar ungkapan untukmenenangkan hatinya.

Sambil membalas senyuman Ah Chai, Ah Nuan menerung dalam sekeping kertas tersebut sambil menggigit-gigit bibirnya.

Keadaan sunyi seketika. Suasana agak kelam diselebungi hampas tembakau yang setia menemani Ah Chai sejak beberapa tahun yang lepas. Hanya terdengar bebelan kecil Ah Nuan yang cuba memahami kehendak sekeping kertas yang baru diperolehi dari Ah Chai tadi.

"oh, ya...", Ah Chai cuba memulakan perbualan yang dari tadi terputus. Tapi belum sempat pun nafasnya ditarik ke rongga paru-paru yang mula dipenuhi oleh asap si nikotin, Ah Nuan menyampuk sekaligus memotong buah bicara Ah Chai, "aku baru perasan di borang ni ada tulis RM2. Aku bagi nanti ya?". Kata Ah Nuan sambil tersengih.

"RM2?...Ah Nuan, apa tu?", Sambil menggaru kepalanya yang sememangnya gatal itu. Kemudian cepat-cepat dia mengias rambutnya. Ah Chai yang lebih senang dengan konsep rambut yang seakan-akan 'terbiar' itu kemudiannya menyambung perlahan;"...akuu", ah Chai berhenti seketika. Menghela nafas diiringi dengan si nikotin peneman setia Ah Chai."...belikan khas utk kau...ambilah..gunakan ia tanpa was-was.."; Sambung Ah Chai dengan nada berseloroh. Jelas tiada lagi riak muka yang kusut pada wajah Ah Chai. Kusut muka Ah Chai tadi hilang sama sekali. Mungkin hilang berikutan persoalan si Ah Nuan.

Selalunya

Kalau diberikan saya peluang untuk pergi ke zaman silam, ingin saya pergi ke saat di mana semua kesilapan saya dengan dia dan perbetulkan. Saya hendak jadi apa yang dia mahukan. Dan jika DIA adalah ketentuan saya. Saya rela jadi Pak Lawak Bodoh hanya untuk mengembirakan hatinya. SELALUnya...saya rela.

Kononnya

Hilaian tertawa rakan-rakan sekerja menyusul selepas mendengar jawaban saya yang memilih mahu berbasikal ke sekolah daripada membeli kereta. Isk! Bukan tidak mahu berkereta, tetapi...'belum sampai seru' mungkin?

"Kau ni sebijik macam ayah kau la Fidz, selera lain macam!" kata seorang rakan sekerja yang umurnya hampir sebaya dengan ayah saya. Pernyataan yang tersembur spontan itu membuatkan saya sedar dari mana saya mewarisi sifat ganjil ini. Saya tak peduli. Deposit sudah dibayar HAHA!

Sekarang saya sedang menunggu Nona untuk ke kedai basikal di Tengkera. Sudah lama saya mengidam basikal yang klasik seperti itu. Sekarang baru ke temu. Berwarna krim, lengkap dengan bakul dan locengnya tetapi semua peralatannya, dari rim, hub ke pengikat seat (tempat duduk)...adalah SHIMANO dan beberapa jenama yang terkenal. Aha!, dan ada dynamo yang paling cool dalam dunia turut melengkapi bakal basikal saya yang diimport dari negara matahari terbit.


TUNGGU!